Sunday, February 26, 2006

Just... brilliant.

"I am surrounded by imbeciles and ignorant fools !" - I cannot remember who said this ( I think it was some Dark Lord or the other ) , but, although the statement is repititive, it is exactly what I feel like saying right now - its quite sad. I went to a friends place today, and found a book of poetry by Ogden Nash - I was particularly impressed by one poem, and when I told her about it, it turned out that she had never even heard of Ogden Nash ! Mbleh !
Anyway, as the story goes, the poet was once ill, suffering from some ( surely !) virulent pathogen, judging by the amount of pain that he was feeling, and so, he called a Doctor, hoping that he would be able to give him something for the pain. The Doctor, however, after examining our poet, quietly informed him that it was nothing more than a common cold. The Reply was published some time later :

Go hang yourself, you old M.D,!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
In not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The F├╝hrer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

Now THIS is TALENT. Why could we not study this, instead of Small Scale Reflections on a Great House, or The Blessed Damozel ?

To Wrath ! To Ruin ! And some of Tolkien's Poetry the next time !
- Debayan Gupta .

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Egg-Jam

With the ongoing hulla about avian flu, and our ISC examinations taking place ( The latter is mentioned because there seems to be some kind of superstition regarding the consumption of spherical food items, ie., eggs, rosogulla, etc. ), I am now currrently surviving on vegetables. Vegetables. VEGETABLES. My forefathers did not claw their way up the food chain so that I could eat VEGETABLES.
Anyway, we just finished our practical examinations. We had computer practicals today, and the programs were pathetically easy - but, as usual with examinations in Kolkata, compications occured, namely, the printer refused to print my program, and when one of the examiners tried to reinstall the driver, the computer refused to detect the CD- drive - he screwed up something or the other, and do NOT ask me how, managed to comkpletely DESTROY the computer - we had to reinstall Windows in the end, but on the bright side, I got my printout in the end.
The other practicals were quite easy as well - we knew the salts for the qualitative analysis from before, but the titration was a bit.. off - you see, we had KMnO4 with concentration of 1.765 g/l, while they ( the ISC ) told us that the amount was 1.75, WITH an inpurity, which meant that those who actually did the experiment ended up getting purity of the sample as somewhere around 102%. While here, let me thank Indro, for assuring me that Ca was indeed present in the sample - I then proceeded to put excess NH4Cl in water, and convinced the examiner that it was actually the precipitate of Calcium after adding ammonium oxalate in group 5.
The Physics practical was a cakewalk for some, and a disaster for others, depending upon whether they got defective galvanometers or not., while the optical bench experiment gave an unworkable solution - for the fifth value given, the parallax error reduced as we brought the pin nearer to the second lens, but still remained, even when the stands were touching ( at about 6cm, while backworking gave us a value of 4.4cm ).
Yen-e-ve, Best of Luck to all who face inpending examinations, and Best of Luck to Debayan Gupta.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

And so it Ends

Eshmile !

The next Bird Disease : Avian Gas.

Well, as they said after Atlantis was destroyed, 'it's all over. You can go home now." - We had our farewell from the Alumnorum Societas yesterday, and it was A Memorable Event - Good Memorable, because we got free caps and food, and there were one or two good speeches - Fr.Boris started his speech with : " If I sound a bit hoarse, it's not because I am choked up with emotion." ( He did not start with the traditional "Allright" - this, for those of you who are not acquainted with him, is like a government being concerned for its people, like Einstein endorsing Quantum theory, like Jishnu being humble - okay, maybe not THAT incredible, but still staggeringly improbable. )
On the other hand, we had speeches by " Doss. Rajiv Doss." and Fohshow. They obviously use some definition of communication that I am not familiar with - "Horrible" doesn't quite cut it. Mr. Doss had this ghastly pseudo-American cum pseudo-English cum quasi-ancient Sumerian accent and I am certain that he had been through the notebook of quotes collected my me which is supposed to be with rubidium ( Rb), because all the quotes he used are from the first two pages of the book. Then, of course, there was the BIG F. The Big Bad Wolf has nothing on Fohshow. A speech given by the headmaster of one of the best schools in the cultural heart of the largest democracy in the world consisted of six minutes of pure unadulterated garbage. drivel. nonsense. hogwash. ( if you are still unable to get the point, go away.). I shall neither describe, nor reveal any portion of his speech here, for my conciense ( notice the incorrect spelling ? ) will not allow me to commit the unforgivable sin of unleashing one of HIS speeches upon unsuspecting innocents.
Davis won the Best Xaverian award, ( GO DAVIS !!!), and everybody knew that he would win, but he went up on stage and said " I honestly wasn't expecting this - especially the speaking part. I am very very bad at speeches.". Then we had the prize distribution, and went onto the field.
Prayag's mother's speech and the ITC guy's speech were quite good, but the best part of the evening was probably all of us shouting " Aayien " ( That just DOES NOT WORK in English, does it ? )
We had a lot of fun, eating ( the school supplied some a lot of food, and as usual, yours truly was also involved in the financing of the all round PetPuja ), shouting "Aayien" ( That Just Doesn't Work in English, does it ? ), ane releasing lots of baloons ( childish, but oddly satisfying. ) and , well, just having a great time.
For those of you who were not there, you missed a great day, and we missed you, Autrri, Dibyayan, Neel ( A-z order, so you don't kill me. ) and all you 2k6 denizens of SXC.

- Bye, Debayan Gupta .

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Bleargh!

I am now thoroughly SICK of having my photograph taken. The IIT forms demanded 5x4 photos, the WBJEE wanted 4.5x3.5 , then the ISI wanted stamp size photos, and I wasted three 5x4 photos before it became clear that nomatter how much I cut and cropped, it wasn't going to work. So, I went to a local shop. It is closed. I go to another shop. They haave some problem with the printer AFTER taking my photo, so they give me my money back. I go to another one. There is a big line. I take photos. I come home. I am severely bored. I am writing short sentences. The queue was ... well, the person in front of me was, by the looks of iit, an anorexic homosexual, and the person behind me was presumably a mother, whose ( again, presumably ) child kept sticking his toy phone in my ear. I am now trying to get some semblance of normalcy back to my life. Ah ! Here we are ! Hundreds upon hundreds of boring textbooks written by gramatically challenged authors. Home Sweet Home.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Back on Track

Well, I have a LOT of work tomorrow - I have to buy an envelope and a postcard and fill up the ISI application form. Mbleh ! another exam. Exam after exam afer mock test to prepare foe exam has reduce my mental faculties to Fire good. Tree good. Exam very bad.
I have to study Physics tomorrow - Why we have to memorize definitions oof thigs like quality factor, figure of merit and R.M.S. current is beyond me - we know what they are ! We use them in sums ! We do not need to memorize these staggeringly boring definitions to know what these terms mean ! I HATE ISC. No euphemisms.
- Debayan " As depressed as Marvin" Gupta.

SORRY

I am really, Really, REALLY sorry for the L o n g wait, but it was not through choice - I lost my password. But, Now that I'm back...
Jishnu Das called me about three minutes ago...
J : Hello, ami Jishnu bolchi.
D : Ki holo bol.
J : Are you free tomorrow ?
D : Why ?
J : There is a writing competition on tomorrow and I was thinking that you might want to...
D : WHAT ?!! Our ISC starts in less than 14 days, and I have just opened Bhatnagar to learn incorrect definitions of useless things for the first time and and and EXPLAIN.
J : Hey, don't get so angry - Fowshow calls me up a few minutes ago, and this is after nine, and tells me that there is some book-writing competition
D : What in the name of Irodov is a book writing competition ?
J : How the hell should I know ? As I was saying, He says that there is this competition at St.James' tomorrow, and he insists that I go to school tomorrow, get a letter of authorization from him and go to St.James' and prarticipate in the contest which starts at nine - so I have less than a 12 hour warning, and I have to go by cab to school for some STUPID contest that our STUPID headmaster decided to enrol our school in.
D : ....
J : WELL ?
D : So... I am sympathetic and all, but why are you calling ME ?
J : Isn't it obvious ?
D : No.
J : YOU could go. I cannot refuse him to his face - I am still part of the school, kintu jedin school hoye jabe, na, ami akta bodo gamla jol niye jabo, aar jabar shomoye mathaye dhele debo, aar tarpor na,
D : Yes, Yes that's all very good, but how should I go ?
J : Gari kore. Aabar kibhabe jabi ?
D : Ekhon raat showa nota baje. Aami gari shaataye chere diyechi. Kalke gari dupure aashche. Aami jodi jai, aamake Salt Lake theke taxi kore Park Circus, mane motamuti 250-300 taka khoroch kore jete hobe.
J : Um.. tor to prochur taka aache, ja na.
D : Tui Aniket ba Daviske bole dakh naa. Aamar pokkhe jawa Impossible - one, my parents will kill me if I do this less than two weeks from my boards, two, I have no viable means of getting there..
J : Taxite jete na chash, buse kore..
D : I, go by Bus ? How dare you even concieve of such a horrific idea ? Such a travesty shall NEVER I repeat NEVER occur.
J : Well, ami akhun ki korbo ? Ami to jete chai na !
D : Aamio jete chai na, ar ami jabo na. Tui to kachei thakish, ar tor to sudies ek bochor aagei hoye gache. Tui ja na.
J : Gnaa...
D : Ami bolchi shon, call foshow, and tell him to find someone else, preferably from 11, or try calling Aniket. O to eishobe interested.
J : Kintu...
D : Kintu abar ki ? Ami jeta bolchi sheta kor.
J : Aar ki hobe. Bye, then.
D : Bye.

Foshow is stupid, no ?
COMMENT.